SoC:Joan

Years I have felt nothing for you but hate
Cold and icy in my chest at the mention of your name
And now all I feel is pity and sorrow for your life
You had so much chance and life
A love and a family that would have made you happy
But you couldn’t let go of the flesh
Just as you cannot now, poor woman
Now I am sorry I couldn’t see it sooner
I shouldn’t hate you, I should pray for you
Then again, perhaps I should thank you
I was able to love my sisters and my brother
In a way I would not have been able to otherwise
You abandoned us all to your own troubles
And I got to show them how to love
And yet you still managed to mess with it
My, you make a mess with real love
Twisting into something ugly
Forcing me to be mom
But I forgive you for the pain you caused me
What else can I do but forgive you
But what you have done
What you did to my sisters
What you did to my brother
I will not get over so fast
You hit me countless times
I remember seeing blood once
You blamed me for a grown man’s depravity
And that shows how sick you really are
The fact is you hurt me, hit me often
But I took those blows for them
For my babies, my children
I took the blows from a drunken woman
To save them from your hands
Now they don’t have me there
They live with you and I cannot do that
You hurt my baby girl
You bruised my baby sister
I will not retaliate, though I am within my rights to
You mistreat her, neglect her
You are supposed to be a mother
But you drink and lie about it
You are so hypocritical
You told me once your mother was drunk and abusive
And you said you never wanted to be your mother
Well, you have succeeded in that
Grandma never denied abuse or alcohol
She never lied about it and hid it
She spoke truth to me always
You are a liar and an abuser
You are worse than your mother
You let my sister sleep with whoever she likes
Even though you told me once to wait until I had a ring
You let that boy sleep in her bed all night
To touch my baby and use her and let her hurt herself
You let them run wild then hit them when they defy
You are selfish and worthless sometimes
All you care for is yourself
All you do is for yourself
You misuse my father and my sisters
My brother adores you because you are friend
I am mother and I am discipline enforcer
I clean his clothes and feed him
I wake him for school and push him to do his work
I am put in a position that I was not meant for
But I do not hate it, I take it on strongly
Can you not see that you gave me a gift
The mantle of motherhood passed you by
And instead went to me when I was needed
I am strong and willing and able
I take on this task as I take on every task
That God has given me
And I will not shirk it or hate it
I may cry, I may scream, I may fall apart
But I will always come back together
And keep this shambled, broken family
Running as smoothly as I can
I am stronger yet younger
And for my age I am ignored or talked down to
Yet if talk down to me again, if you dare to
I will return with my mind, far superior to yours
And show you that I am mother and I am strong
You will never destroy my spirit, or my faith
I always will pray you see the light
And I pity you for your idiocy
That is all that I can say for you
I don’t love you, I can’t really do that
But I forgive you, some what
Mother is a title I fear you do not deserve
So, Joan, I shall say that I laughed at you
When you tried to encourage me
When I spent years encouraging them
My self-esteem is not so low
That I cannot see my own talents
God gave them to me to use
And you think a stupid failure will discourage me?
You are always a fool, Joan, always